Jokes Rating: ( 323 votes )
Views: 13546

"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." --President Gerald Ford

"My fellow astronauts..."
--Vice-President Dan Quayle, beginning a speech at an Apollo 11 anniversary celebration.

"Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life."
--Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah, explaining his support of the death penalty.

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
--Charles de Gaulle, ex-French President

"I stand by all the misstatements."
--Dan Quayle, defending himself against criticism for making verbal gaffes

"Gerald Ford was a Communist"
--Ronald Reagan in a speech. He later indicated he meant to say 'Congressman'.

"Outside of the killings, Washington D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington D.C.

"We found the term 'killing' too broad."
--State Department spokesperson on why the word 'killing' was replaced with 'unlawful or arbitrary deprivation of life' in its human rights reports for 1984-5

"This is a great day for France!"
--President Richard Nixon while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral

"This is the worst disaster in California since I was elected."
--California Governor Pat Brown, discussing a local flood

"It's not listed in the Bible, but my spiritual gift, my specific calling from God, is to be a television talkshow host."
--James Baker, televangelist.

"The chairs in the cabin are for the ladies. Gentlemen are not to make use of them till the ladies are seated."
--Instructions posted in a river cruise ship, Suir River, Ireland.

"The exports include thumbscrews and cattle prods, just routine items for the police."
--U.S. Commerce Department spokesman on a regulation allowing the export of various products abroad.

"What he does on his own time is up to him."
--Harlon Copeland, Sheriff of Bexar County, Texas, when one of his deputies was caught exposing himself to a child.

"Facts are stupid things."
--Ronald Reagan, misquoting John Adams in a speech to the Republican convention.